West Virginia Farm Kid in the Marines

West Virginia FARM KID in Marines
Recently come to San Diego for Marine Corps Recruit Training.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are too.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. It’s practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges...they come in boxes.

We have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Southerners Have The Lowest Stress Rate

Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. Some Southern definitions:

Artery.............................. The study of paintings
Bacteria............................ Back door to cafeteria
Barium.............................. What doctors do when patients die
Benign.............................. What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section................... A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan............................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize........................... Made eye contact with her
Colic............................... A sheep dog
Coma................................ A punctuation mark
Dilate.............................. To live long
Enema............................... Not a friend
Fester.............................. Quicker than someone else
Fibula.............................. A small lie
Impotent............................ Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain.......................... Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff....................... A doctor's cane
Morbid.............................. A higher offer
Nitrates............................ Cheaper than day rates
Node................................ I knew it
Outpatient.......................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis.............................. Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative...................... A letter carrier
Recovery Room....................... Place to do upholstery
Rectum.............................. Nearly killed him
Secretion........................... Hiding something
Seizure............................. Roman emperor
Tablet.............................. A small table
Terminal Illness.................... Getting sick at the airport
Tumor............................... One plus one more
Urine............................... Opposite of you're out

Church Humor

Here's some humor clean enough for church:

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran, she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late....But please don't shove me either!"

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

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An elderly woman died. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive. I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."

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A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, Johnny's mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Church Signs

Here are some church signs that a relative sent me. I picked out the ones I thought were clever:

Song Challenge - Day 8

Day 8: A Song That You Know All the Words To

Song Challenge - Day 7

Song Challenge Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event.

See Day 8

Song Challenge - Day 6

Song Challenge: Day 6

A song that reminds you of somewhere.