Home Repairs

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey...could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says, angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have 'GE' written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," the wife says. "Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

The man replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have 'Westinghouse' written on my forehead?! I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at LEAST fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break."

"I'm not a carpenter, and I don't want to fix steps," he answers angrily. "Does it look like I have 'Ace Hardware' written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours...

...and he starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home.

As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed.

As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.

As he goes to get a beer, he notices that the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey," he asks. "How'd all this get fixed?"

"Well," she says. "When you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake him a cake."

The man asks, "So, what kind of cake did you bake?"

She replies, "Hellooo!! Do you see 'Betty Crocker' written on my forehead? I don't think so!"

Pregnancy Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.